6 Ideas For Better New Year Intentions
I don’t really like New Year’s Resolutions. Or, more accurately, I don’t like how we usually do them.
New Years resolutions often feel like just another opportunity to punish ourselves for the person we are in this moment. That may sound harsh, but think about some of the most common resolutions: lose weight (usually an unrealistic amount), exercise more (often much more than we currently are), start a punishing diet, etc. Wanting to lose (a little!) weight or starting an exercise practice isn’t inherently bad for us - they can be healthy! - but often, the motivation behind them is. Then, when we don’t follow through on the unrealistic resolution, it gives us more fuel for the self-loathing fire, with thoughts of “I fell off the wagon again,” “I am just bad at it,” or “I never finish my goals.”
It’s a tricky balance to find: I really enjoy having goals, but I also struggle with perfectionism when trying to complete them. I used to be hard on myself when I didn’t follow through on a goal! But I’ve started thinking of my goals and intentions as more of a road map, and I’m deciding the direction I want to go rather than a test I pass or fail.
6 Tips For Better New Year's Intentions
This year, I wanted to share a few things I practice when setting goals for myself - regardless of the time of year!
Set intentions or themes rather than resolutions. Sometimes, just changing your mindset can take the pressure off the goal. Picking a theme gives you the flexibility to interpret it in many ways.
One of my themes last year was “practice being bad at things” - I often won’t try new things, or I will stop working on something new if I am bad at it. But we’re all bad at things when we start! Most things are skills we learn, not inherent qualities. So, I challenged myself to purposely do things I knew I wasn’t great at, I struggled through, and I survived. 😂 By picking this as a theme, rather than specific tasks, it gave me the freedom to pick and choose different things I wanted to try throughout the year.
Set a goal that is just slightly out of reach rather than a complete overhaul. I think this is one of the main problems when making resolutions; we pick a goal that is a complete transformation instead of a stepping stone. We are not going to become a completely different person on January 1st. Set a goal that is realistic for who you are today. What is the point of setting a goal you’ll likely never achieve?
Let’s use meditation as an example: if you’ve struggled with having a consistent meditation practice in the past or are new to meditating, setting a goal to meditate an hour or even 30 minutes every day for the year is way too extreme. Instead, try meditating for 10 minutes each day, 5 days a week. Or 3 days a week. Whatever can realistically fit into your schedule and is a bit more than you currently do.
Be really honest with yourself about the “why” behind your goal. Knowing why you are working towards something will help you keep going when things get frustrating or you need to prioritize your goal over something you’d rather be doing. Plus, having an emotional connection to your goal makes us more likely to achieve it. Here are a few things to consider:
Does it align with your values?
Will it bring something valuable to your life?
Why do you want to invest your time and energy into this project?
What are you willing to give up to achieve the goal?
I recommend writing down at least some of your answers to these questions. Then, when you find yourself at a crossroads of whether or not to continue, you can read what you wrote and remind yourself why you’re doing it. Or, once you start thinking about the why, you may realize the goal isn’t that important after all - which is okay, too! (Think about how much time you just saved!)
Think on alternate time frames. Maybe quarterly goals work better for you. Maybe January is a shit time for you to pick new goals, and Spring is a better fit for your energy (Chinese medicine would agree with you!). Maybe your birthday is your “new year,” so you set goals then instead. There is no rule saying you need to decide anything for January 1st!
For example, I like having a mix of year-long themes that I break into quarterly goals. I like to take time around my birthday (October) and at the end of the year to check how things are going, and I journal semi-regularly as a check-in. Do I stick to this constantly? No! But I’ve found over time that is what will work best if I have a big idea or project I am working on. This year, I plan to check in in June, too, so I can change course sooner, rather than waiting until October.
“Begin again.” This is a saying that I heard all the time in meditation classes, and I use it in all aspects of my life now. (Meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg teaches about this often, too.) Instead of blaming myself for forgetting to do something or falling out of a habit (like meditation!), I just begin again. Life gets busy, priorities shift. There’s no need for blame. Just begin again. And, when you come back to something over and over again, it’s a little bit easier to start again each time. You’ve learned a bit more about what works and what doesn’t. Learning how to return without judging yourself for getting distracted, whether it is in meditation or other aspects of your life, is an invaluable skill.
Side note: This is especially true for my fellow ADHD people. Teaching yourself to notice when you’ve gotten distracted by a side quest and bringing yourself back to something without blaming yourself for getting distracted…that’s the secret sauce. It’s a practice, a skill, but you can learn it.
Reflect on how it’s going. Take time to regularly review your goal, think about how it’s going, and decide if you want to continue with it.
Reminding yourself of your goal regularly (at least weekly!) keeps you focused and helps you keep on top of your progress.
Considering how it’s going gives you a chance to tweak how you’re working on it if you need to. Are there roadblocks getting in your way? Maybe you need to change your schedule, ask for help, do more research, etc. Maybe your goal needs a longer time frame or be broken down into smaller tasks. Maybe you forgot about it completely; that’s no problem, just begin again.
Deciding if you want to continue working on it is important, too. Maybe you get a month or two into your goal or project and realize you don’t care much about it anymore, or you’d rather spend your time on other things. That’s okay! If you need it, here's your permission to stop working on a goal that no longer serves you.
Taking time to reflect on things, whether in a journal, with friends, in therapy, or some other way, is an important and often missed part of the process.
That’s it! My 6 tips for new ways to look at your goals or intentions this year. Let me know what resonates and what doesn’t - you’re always invited to email me. To see some of what I am working on in 2025 and keep up to date on what is happening in the clinic, check out the clinic newsletter (here’s the archive!).